taking cues

Do you ever notice that when you’re talking to different people, you talk slightly differently with each one? Or maybe with a certain group, it’s different from the next.

Do you ever notice that you’ve picked up some of their speaking habits, inflections, pet phrases?

At first, I thought it was high school again when I was accused of trying to be someone else, because I was unconsciously emulating my (I thought then) closest friend.

Then I realized what I think is a lovely* thing: I have a bit of every one in me and every one has a bit of me.

I guess, then, that when we find our bits that match, we use those bits to communicate. Only usually, the only way to find it is take cues from the other person.

*On another note, they have to make up new words for “wonderful” because it’s just been used so many times that it appears to lose meaning. All the other words in the Thesaurus don’t seem appropriate. “Lovely” is the closest I could get, here, but it doesn’t quite fit either.

That is not to say that it isn’t wonderful that wonderful is used so much, because that would mean that there is so much that is wonderful to speak about!

adversity

I have been laughing at myself a lot lately. It’s truly refreshing. I don’t remember when the changeover happened, but at some point in the past week or so, I stopped being so embarrassed and feeling the need to apologize for myself. Maybe not completely, but there was a huge shift.

I used to despair over what other people would think of my mistakes and what they would think of me because of those mistakes, which were usually very small. Now I just laugh.

It’s very strange and new and thinking about it makes me laugh even more. From time to time, I wonder if I’m suppressing something I’m not supposed to, but wondering that makes me smile, almost giddily… that I’m almost positive that this is something positive.

So, just a few minutes ago, I was being the careless klutz that I am and making a mess and laughing at myself yet again. I whispered to the klutz, “There are only two possibilities… that I’ve become so mature that I’ve learned how to deal with diversity… Diversity? Di…. hahahaha… ADversity… how to deal with adversity through laughter! Haha… Either that or I’ve finally gone completely mad.”

I really don’t think it’s the latter. I’m sure most would agree that that’s happened long ago.

singing

Karaoke. Sitting around in the living room. Beer and friends.

There’s an amazing energy here. I can’t help but smile.

We may not be aware of it, but with all the songs sung together (some that we didn’t even realize we knew every word to) our souls are connected.

Listening to A and E singing a duet. They’ve been together over a year now. They’re both really good singers. It makes you see how much in love they are, watching them have fun with it. The happiness in their voices is unmistakable.

I love seeing couples looking lovingly into each other’s eyes when they’re not even aware of it. Not staring, not being all lovey dovey and sickening just happening to look at each other… you can almost see a cloud around them, binding them together despite its being insubstantial.

The cloud is gone in a second, but you know that the bond is there, you can feel it in the way they share the mic.

Envy. I don’t want to call it that. I am truly happy that they have each other. It’s a beautiful thing to have, that bond.

You know how something really good happens to you, you hope that everyone gets to feel that feeling?

I think that’s how it feels for them. Maybe they don’t even know it right now. They’re probably used to it already. But it’s that kind of feeling, it’s that good.

And I want to feel it.

Envy. That, but not that. Like I said, I don’t want to call it that.

Maybe I’m bitter. But I’m not. I’m happy for them… but.

Maybe it’s thinking again that it’ll make life better, easier to take, if I had someone to sing with.

I hate that it’s seems to be such a thing to me, that it affects me so much, albeit not too often.

It’s a nice thing, I think, to want to have someone you can sing with. But to want it so much that you can’t think straight, that can’t be right.

It should be on a list, but it shouldn’t be the priority.

I think I’m growing more and more bitter about the fact that I’m even thinking about this. This can’t be good.

I think I’m going to go sing.

wallpaper

She traced the blue dots on the wall. They ran down the height of it, over and over around the yellow room. She wondered why she couldn’t feel the dots, wondered why she couldn’t understand why there were so many people in this little house.

People with sad faces, who looked at her with pity-filled eyes that quickly looked away, murmuring to each other, shaking their heads.

She stared at the dots and squinted her eyes so that they looked like solid lines instead. Then she looked at the people and imagined they were just one big mass of person. One big person she could reach out and hug and cuddle.

But her eyes refocused and it was all strangers again.

groundbreaking thought

If you’re looking for something that will change the world as you know it, this is probably not it so it’s best you move on.

But… has no one thought of this before? Am I the only one who thinks that this is such an exciting thought that it is mind-boggling that no one has wondered about it before?

***Mixed M&Ms***

Bags of different kinds of M&Ms together … like Hershey’s Miniatures, or trail mix, or Skittles or … you know!!

They’re doing custom messages on your M&Ms but why not custom combinations of M&Ms? I don’t think they even put the custom messages on anything but the milk chocolate ones.

Well, when I throw a party (whenever that may be), I’ll make a bowl of mixed M&Ms… just make sure your hands are clean when you’re rooting for all the peanut butter ones.