the end is nigh

Last day of the year, today
Yet it feels like any Monday
Mind still holding on to sleep
Not ready to begin the week
What does that mean for 2008?
Think it might have to wait.

sigh

Why must it always be this?
Always, that is what I ask.
In time with our turning world,
My life simply turns in circles.
Though I thought troubles were over,
The confusion continues, seemingly without end.

blue

As the sky without a cloud
As the calm sea’s soothing waves
As a blanket long held, loved
As a pair of faded jeans
As much as these bring joy
That much does mine blue, not

a tall green ginger with milk and honey

I have learned how to drink tea. K suggested it and although I said that I didn’t drink tea, I left work earlier than I’d planned last Wednesday and got myself a tea.

I find I’m liking this cup quite a bit. I think it’s perfect for this rainy evening. Every sip melts the day’s stresses away. It’s quietly happy-fying; it doesn’t make me excited and giddy but calms me into a simple bliss.

Or maybe it’s writing. Or the rain. I really like the rain, tonight. I’m usually afraid of getting wet but I’m not, now. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t expecting rain this week. Maybe it’s because it hasn’t rained in a while; a welcome change.

Maybe the night seems magical with the rain sparkling on the pavement. It makes me feel more of Christmas than anything so far this year. Not quite the “true meaning” but the anticipation of the holiday, nostalgia for the magic of childhood Christmases. I don’t know.

This is a good moment. Of being. I’m almost afraid of scaring it away but I’ll not worry about that. This, now, is good.

—

I’m tempted to start lists of things to do, purchases to make. But no. Not now.

The tea is perfectly warm, perfectly sweet. I am amazed that I got it right, that I’ve figured how I like it. Interesting.

There are a lot of things I could think about. Things needing sorting out in my head. But possibly more than ever before, I’m taking things as they come, living in the moment, slowing down. I’m nowhere near where I’d like to be in those respects but I’m happy with where I am.

—

I remember something B said a couple months ago… that I’m “okay.” Part of me still doubts that but here and now, I think I can believe that I am.

freaky

I am sitting at the bus stop, waiting for a friend to pick me up, drinking a cheap (but good) French Vanilla cappuccino and having a wonderful conversation on the phone.

I turn my head to the left, towards the intersection and there’s this minivan that had just turned right, onto the street in front of me.

The minivan stopped just past the corner, about twenty feet to me left.

I am still talking on the phone and enjoying myself.

There are two middle-aged Asian men in the minivan.

I am probably laughing.

One guy is at the wheel.

One guy has a huge-a** telephoto lens aimed in my direction.

I am in shock.

But I don’t turn away.

For at least five seconds.

Then I do, while frantically trying to relay the proceedings into the phone.

They drive off eventually.

Maybe they wanted a picture of the Cloverfield poster behind me.

Maybe not.